What Type of Woman Do I Want To Be?

April 11, 2016

Diane Von Furstenberg told Garance (Dear God, can you think of any other conversation you would MORE want to be a fly on the wall for?!) that when she started out she didn’t know what she wanted to do but she knew what kind of woman she wanted to be. [Watch their brief interview here.] DVF is a legendary fashion designer who attributes her success to knowing who she wanted to be. Hearing her so eloquently state this in one sentence was, for me, something like being stabbed in the heart. I fear I spend too much time worrying (see, I’m worrying about worrying…when does it end!?!?!) about what I am going to do with my life and, as a result, have come up short on the question of who I want to be. I struggle and struggle (and struggle…) to “figure out” what I was made for, what I am good at, what matters and is a worthwhile way to spend my time and energies… What am I going to doooo?!?!?!!?!?!? But “who do I want to be?” *crickets*

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Garance says she wishes everyone had a DVF in their life and I suspect it has something to do with the fact that her self-stated “role in life is to make sure that all women know they can be the woman they want to be”. I swoon over these two because they both seem so very much themselves—they are the most successful in their respective areas of interest, truly these women have already built lasting legacies in the world of fashion. They are humble and generous of spirit which makes them feel both like they could be my best friends, and that theirs is not such an unattainable life. They are just so put-together. Where I am constantly running around like a chicken with my head cut off, not knowing which way is up and questioning my every thought, these women have moved through life’s challenges with grace and style, and have landed somewhere that looks like self-assuredness. It was once suggested to me, and I have since adopted the notion, that I am allergic to myself. When I think of the women who I look up to, like these two, I notice the absence of that particular allergy. They are at home in their own skin, and that is the type of woman I want to be.

 

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When I first watched this video I was inspired as if struck by a bolt of lightning, that’s what’s wrong with me! I need to ask myself what type of woman I want to be! So I did, and the very first word that came to mind was: fabulous. It’s true. This of course is no surprise to me, but it is something I feel ashamed to admit. Nonetheless it is true, I want desperately to be a FABULOUS woman. A woman who is beautiful and glamorous, but who also has an air about her—a way of being that wordlessly communicates confidence. It is as if she knows exactly who she is and who she is not, and is never quite “caught off guard”. While a distinct piece of fabulosity is the superficial things which I have to be able to admit I do care about, it is also a wisdom extracted from life leading to a certain sense of stability in herself. A sense of owning the space she occupies and not apologizing even for a second for taking up that space.

 

I also want to be the type of woman who doesn’t take herself too seriously. I want to be able to laugh at myself and always pick myself up and dust myself off. Turning 25 was the first moment in my life when I realized that life actually is pretty short. I may still be young, but I am also aware now that I will not always be young. The truth is that I am not all that comfortable with myself and this has held me back from taking opportunities and engaging the world. I would hate to live the rest of my life constantly being tripped up by my own hyper-sensitivity.

Finally, I want to be a woman who is strong and unafraid. If I am really honest with myself I don’t know what I want from my life. I am in constant turmoil because I just feel like I can’t find my place. I want to be a woman who knows her truth and lives boldly in it. DVF says that part of being a woman is being able to do it all, and this something I want to attach myself to. The idea that a woman is somehow inherently emboldened to handle all that she is faced with from a place of strength—motherhood, sisterhood, womanhood—is the most attractive idea because it is the exact opposite of how I feel right now.

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By Courtney

Author of PrettyRX, a lifestyle blog.

1 Comment

  1. Reply

    Dennis

    Your a wife, daughter, sister, friend, almost all of us struggle to find ourselves, sometimes while struggling forget what we have, you are amazing, beautiful,and loved,..you are also as much as a teacher as student..you have been my greatest teacher to say ” I love you”,..you taught me when you were 4!!, back then you didn’t think, you just acted, it’s an honor to see an inside look of your life, let me also say everyone in your life is a roll model, ..some show you what you want to be, some show you what you don’t want to be, ..your best friend on the planet ( your mother) she has some great stuff to pull from, so does Lisa, and all the other woman in your life, you are surrounded by winners!!! I love you Courtney..enjoy the ride

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