Diane Von Furstenberg told Garance (Dear God, can you think of any other conversation you would MORE want to be a fly on the wall for?!) that when she started out she didn’t know what she wanted to do but she knew what kind of woman she wanted to be. [Watch their brief interview here.] DVF is a legendary fashion designer who attributes her success to knowing who she wanted to be. Hearing her so eloquently state this in one sentence was, for me, something like being stabbed in the heart. I fear I spend too much time worrying (see, I’m worrying about worrying…when does it end!?!?!) about what I am going to do with my life and, as a result, have come up short on the question of who I want to be. I struggle and struggle (and struggle…) to “figure out” what I was made for, what I am good at, what matters and is a worthwhile way to spend my time and energies… What am I going to doooo?!?!?!!?!?!? But “who do I want to be?” *crickets*
I also want to be the type of woman who doesn’t take herself too seriously. I want to be able to laugh at myself and always pick myself up and dust myself off. Turning 25 was the first moment in my life when I realized that life actually is pretty short. I may still be young, but I am also aware now that I will not always be young. The truth is that I am not all that comfortable with myself and this has held me back from taking opportunities and engaging the world. I would hate to live the rest of my life constantly being tripped up by my own hyper-sensitivity.
Finally, I want to be a woman who is strong and unafraid. If I am really honest with myself I don’t know what I want from my life. I am in constant turmoil because I just feel like I can’t find my place. I want to be a woman who knows her truth and lives boldly in it. DVF says that part of being a woman is being able to do it all, and this something I want to attach myself to. The idea that a woman is somehow inherently emboldened to handle all that she is faced with from a place of strength—motherhood, sisterhood, womanhood—is the most attractive idea because it is the exact opposite of how I feel right now.